|
Indian
Abroad
Helplessness
By the Minkey Chief
Bliddy Indians are
often infuriatingly helpless when abroad. They expect to have their
hands held for them every step of the way. They use the "I'm
new here" card for months on end. "I'm new here, can you
get me something from the vending machine?"
They have instructions in pictures, stupid.
Some of them get this helplessness so ingrained
that they won't eat unless they're served. They won't help load
or unload their own suitcases from a car... and they won't even
go and get a trolley. If they're abroad on work, they'll know absolutely
nothing about the city except for how to get from the office to
the hotel.
Only after a couple of visits, will they slowly
get to know the few Bliddy-Indian-approved spots in the city.
I'm sure you've noticed, Bliddy Indians are always
seen in groups at the same places. That's because these areas have
been deemed "safe" by generations of visiting Bliddy Indians.
Places where the food is not too experimental and there's good value
for money. Places that have sales and bulk offers. Malls. (Bliddy
Indians love malls because they are free (most important), impersonal
and full of girls to lech at.)
Some Bliddy Indians feel so crippled by the exchange
rate that they spend barely enough money to survive. Let's face
it, it is difficult when you come from a land where you can get
an excellent cup of coffee for five cents and can eat yourself to
death for a couple of dollars.
Some get out of paying for stuff and actually
act as if it's their birthright to have somebody pay for them. "Why
the hell should I pay 400 rupees for a sandwich? Let them pay, anyway
they're rich."
Which is the same as: "Amma. Ammmma. Ammmma?
Pay for me no amma? I have rupees amma, and you have dollars. Pay
for me no amma?"
SHAME!
In this way, Bliddy Indians save lots and lots
of money. More money than you would have believed possible. Give
an Indian a salary of, say, $2,000 a month, and he or she will have
saved $12,000 after two months. Nobody knows how it's done. May
be God feels sad for these people living on stale eggs and crumbs
and gives them some of His own money.
A large portion of this loot is sent back home.
After repatriating 90% of $12,000, they'll still have $9,000 or
so. Yes, it's a miracle and it happens every day. They'll take this
$9,000 to the closest bulk-goods store and spend and spend and spend.
They'll buy fifty kilos of cheap chocolate. One hundred and thirty
pairs of Nike trainers. Five hundred pairs of sunglasses. Twenty
three Sony music systems.
You see, the Bliddy Indian believes in having
something to show for money spent. Good food and entertainment is
for the birds; you can't pack it into a suitcase and use it impress
the folks back home. MC
|
