Indian at home
The professional Indian

By the Minkey Chief

Bliddy Indians are the most unprofessional people on earth. The only way I can picture creatures more unprofessional is if there's a tribe whose members join a company, murder everybody in it, steal everything in sight, set fire to the building, and then stand by the water cooler all day complaining they didn't get confirmed at the end of their probation period.

There are certain jobs that we Bliddy Indians are very good at, and complaining is one of them. There are offices with Bliddy Indians who have done nothing but complain for decades.

The problem is, we never ever say anything to anybody who can fix things. Even the smallest things. Instead of walking around and looking for a sheaf of paper to put in the empty copier, we'll stand by it and say, "Just look at this company man. Too cheap to even buy enough paper for the copier. Every time I come here it's empty and I have to wait until somebody fills it. I tell you, these people have no respect for their employees. No, they have no respect for human beings."

The reason for all this is, Bliddy Indians have a master-slave complex that is hard to break out of. We endured 250 years of colonialism. We've been taught that elders are betters even if they're dribbling old men who grope schoolgirls on the bus. We've gone to schools where there were canings and beatings. We've had to go down on our knees to people in cassocks to get an education.

As a result, we are servile to somebody who is in charge. We say horrible things about them to each other at lunchtime but then go back upstairs and ask to kiss their toes.

On the other hand, Bliddy Indian bosses are a good example of why they aren't complained to. Every complaint is treated as a personal insult to be avenged.

"Sir, I don't think it's right that the employees drink water out of the toilet between uses. I request you to install a water cooler."

"How dare you call me a bloody idiot who doesn't know his arse from his belly button???"

"But I didn't…."

"My mother did what??? Get out right now."

And the boss will proceed to torment the poor complainer and make his life miserable until: (a) he goes home one night and kills himself and his family, or (b) he hands in his resignation.

Many Bliddy Indians will choose (a) because it requires less get-up-and-go than (b). MC